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Handsome hunk, actor Martin, who pumped iron at a gym and was a regular pub-hopper, suddenly found himself with no desire for sex. Enquiry revealed that he used anabolic steroids, abused his body by drinking, smoking and eating out every day. His body buckled under these bingeing sessions, lowering his libido and affecting his sexual performance. Several others are today afflicted by similar lifestyle disorders, affecting their sex life and relationships. Sexual energy moves through the psyche (mind) and the body. If it’s channelised elsewhere, it will not flow in sex, thus reducing the sexual drive in a person. Low libido is the result of the diversion of psychic energies. Diversion if energies could have reasons ranging from physical, emotional and mental to social and even spiritual. So, it is important to diagnose the reason and take corrective measures to improve libido.
DON’T ABUSE YOUR BODY
It may not be evident, but wearing tight undergarments compresses the testicles which produce the hormone testosterone, lowering its production. Low levels of the hormone lead to low libido. Use of anabolic steroids too adversely affects the libido, as also other forms of abuse. In smokers, nicotine damages the arterial lining, making it attract cholesterol, thus narrOwing the arteries. Therefore, the blood flowing to the sex organs is less, and affects the erection in men. Many believe that alcohol aids arousal. The reality is that alcohol might initially relax you enough to create some sexual arousal, but excessive consumption actually results in lowering the sexual drive.
Alcohol affects the liver function adversely, and the hormone testosterone is activated in the liver. Moreover, if you suffer from borderline diabetes, alcohol makes it worse. An unhealthy diet comprising oily, high-caloric, sugar-laden foods could result in high cholesterol which narrows arteries, restricts blood flow and affects sexual performance. If one is suffering from hypertension (high blood pressure) due to wrong food habits and obesity resulting from the same and uses anti-hypertensive medication, one might suffer from the side-effect of a lowered libido. Keeping late nights and parrying till the wee hours of the morning result in erratic sleep patterns and accumulated fatigue, which adversely affect libido.
FOR IMPROVED LIBIDO, YOU NEED:
· Adequate sleep.
· Healthy diet.
. Abstinence from excessive smoking and drinking.
· A fitness regime.
. To avoid steroids and anti-depressants.
DIRECT YOUR ENERGIES WISELY
Due to stressful lifestyles, psychic energies are also diverted into emotions like anxiety and depression. If one’s energies are locked up in worrying about performance evaluations on the job, competing with colleagues for promotions, and being on the lookout for better opportunities, not much psychic energy is available to flow into sex. High conflict levels between the husband and wife too result in stressful emotions, leading to lowered libido. Use of anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medications to combat stress is another cause.
Both investment banker Andrew and mutual fund manager David were distressed by their low libido. While the adrenalin rush that came from the handling of monies was so great that, to Andrew, sex paled in comparison, David was so stressed with market fluctuations, which swayed his clients’ fortunes, that he was left mentally and emotionally fatigued. Today double-income couples find no leisure to unwind and connect as a couple. Any time together is spent on household chores, planning home/car loan payments, discussing economics, or work-related issues. Therefore, the psychic energies of both are locked in preoccupations other than connecting sensually, thus lowering libido in both.
TO ADD THE SIZZLE BACK:
· Consciously plan a weekend getaway.
· Make a pact to not discuss work during the holiday.
· Make time for each other, at least a few minutes every day in the morning and evening.
· Cut down on unnecessary chores to get more free time together.
STOP BEING A SUPERWOMAN
Malvika was excessively preoccupied with her duties towards her in-laws and extended family and coping with a hectic social life, throwing parties and attending them too. She was also anxious about her role as a mother and her children’s performance at school. Parents who have moved away from naturally loving and instinctive parenting become emotional wrecks who are torn between showcasing their kids and being unconditionally loving parents. With psychic energies being diverted towards stressful parenting, low libido is a definite fall-out.
FOR STRESS-FREE PARENTING AND BETTER SEX:
· Focus on living sane, balanced and loving inner and outer lives.
· Don’t get bogged down by parenting pressures.
· Don’t pile too much on your plate.
· Do your best, forget the rest.
· Give up trying to please everybody.
· Be kind to yourself.
OTHER CAUSES OF LOW LIBIDO
VOWS OF CELIBACY
People who surrender to the philosophies of some spiritual cults that encourage you to take the vow of celibacy, could gradually start experiencing low libido as they sublimate their urges in prayer, rituals and service-oriented activities. The bottom line is that wherever you channelise your psychic energies, they will gradually flow in that direction.
PSEUDO LOW LIBIDO
There is also the entity of a pseudo low libido, which is only reported by the partner of one who ‘claims’ to have a low libido. Banker Susan reported a virtually non-existent sexual life between her and her husband. Her husband Roger reported that he did not have any sexual urge ‘with his wife’ and therefore did not initiate sex. His words ‘with his wife’ gave him away. Roger only ’seemed’ to have a low libido, which was not the reality. He was obviously resorting to other outlets for his sexual urges. He later admitted to self-pleasuring with fantasies of other women, which he claimed gratified him more than the ’sexual exercise’ with his wife.
SELF-PLEASURING AND PORNOGRAPHY
The internet is getting many people hooked to a lifestyle of sex chatting and self-pleasuring by viewing porn sites. Also, there is a remarkable increase in affairs at the workplace, people travelling on the job and using ‘escort services’ in foreign lands. A hectic work schedule with one foot at the airport and one at home is also getting people engaged more in self-pleasuring in fantasy with or without the aid of porn, as a routine, as it is ‘more convenient’. These are not actual cases of low libido but only perceived as such by their partners, as they engage their libido elsewhere.
All in all, your lifestyle is responsible for your low libido. Only a wholesome change in your lifestyle can help you restore balance in every aspect of your life. So, identify the cause, take corrective measures and rediscover your sexual pleasures.
Regardless of how great your current relationship is, it’s almost inevitable that your sex lives will become a routine. And before you know it, you and your partner have slipped into that mode where making love is `just another thing you do as couples’. So how do you prevent this from happening: include SEX GAMES as one of your bedroom activities!
Sex games are fun, exciting and help keep sexual tension high in the bedroom (or out of it too!). They are also great ways to bring out the `wilder’ side of just about anyone. Think about it. Normally, you may not indulge in using food items when you’re making love. But under the disguise of a sex game, everything is possible. You and your partner somehow become `other people’.
Unfortunately, not everybody is `game’ to explore sex games. If your partner is one of them, then read on to find out how you can convince her to give it try.
The 3 Golden Rules of Sex Games
The worst thing you can do is to just whip out your sex games paraphernalia out of the blue. If you’re lucky, your partner may find it amusing and give it a try… just this once. If not, she’ll probably think you’ve lost it!
The best way to include sex games into your lives is to discuss it with her and mention all the advantages and benefits it can do not only to your sex lives but to your relationship as well. Mention too that sex games are great ways to slowly bring HER sexual fantasies to life.
To further get rid of her worries, discuss these three golden rules.
Agree to keep an open mind.
Nothing kills the mood of a sex game better than having this thought constantly at the back of one’s mind “hmmm, this is probably not for me…”. Instead, agree to keep an open mind to everything. The rule should be “I’ll try it at least once and then decide if I like it or not.” And when you guys do try a sex game, try it with real interest and passion. Remember: if you do it, do it good!
Agree to have a codeword.
Of course, not everybody has the same level of keenness to try different kinds of sex games. Some games may just be a bit too far for some. For instance, some of my male clients would just about try anything with gusto except handcuffs!
The best way to address this issue is to agree on a codeword that either of you can use. Once this word is spoken, it means that the sex game has reached it’s `not fun anymore’ level for that person and so the other must stop immediately.
Agree to keep your sex games private… or not.
Not all couples try sex games so it may be very tempting to inform your best bud on how hot your sex lives are. Before you open your mouth, discuss this with your partner. She may be worried about she will be perceived by your friends and as such not want such stories to leave your bedroom.
Of course, the same goes for you. She may want to rush off to her gal pals and give them every minute detail of what transpired between the two of you last night. Would you like that?
So to avoid any awkwardness, discuss this issue with your partner even before you indulge in sex games. Are you guys going to keep this private or not?
Sex Games – How to Get in the Mood
Just because sex games are fun and exciting and hot does not mean you (or your partner) are always in the mood for it. So what do you do if one of you wants to engage in sex games and the other doesn’t? Following are some tips.
Start with a good, relaxing dinner! You guys can go out or just have a quiet dinner at home. However, be sure to dress up a little. Keep your work clothes on. As for her, ask her to wear those sexy high heels. (You won’t believe how a woman feels 10x sexier the minute she steps into some killer heels!) Open a bottle of wine and just chill out.
Take a long, luxurious bath together.
Create a nice relaxing atmosphere. Dim the lights, light some candles, play some soft music.
Give each other a massage that can easily turn into a sexual massage if you like.
Do any of the above tips to relax your bodies and minds. These are guaranteed to put you in the mood for some serious sex playing afterwards.
Q: I love my husband, but somewhere along the line we’ve become more like friends than lovers. We had an amazing sex life early in our relationship but now we’re lucky if we have sex once a month, and when we do it’s pretty unremarkable. I really enjoy sex and I’d like to make it a regular part of our life again. Any suggestions?
A: First of all, you need to take solace in the fact that you’re not alone with this problem. Most couples in long-term relationships note a marked reduction in the quantity and quality of sex as the years progress. When you’re wrapped up in the heady euphoria of a new relationship, it’s hard to imagine that the grinding reality of daily life can ever dampen sexual desire, but, voila! Here you are, years later, juggling kids and a mortgage and a new career, and sex just isn’t a priority. And the first step in rejuvenating a lackluster sex life is the awareness of this natural ebb and flow.
Providing there aren’t medical reasons for your dwindling sex life (if you’re not sure, have a doctor check you out), there are some simple ideas you can incorporate into your life now that can help you and your partner resuscitate your sexual desire:
1. Prioritize sex.
Both partners need to make a commitment to nurture the physical aspect of the relationship. It’s a big step to acknowledge that you’ve been neglecting passion. But once you do, you can begin having the discussions that will get you thinking about sex and eventually bumping it up on your list of priorities. There is no shame in saying, “Hey, we got caught up in life and left something behind that we really miss. Let’s agree to openly and honestly work on this together.”
2. Plan for sex.
Once you’ve both agreed to make sex a priority, it’s time for some planning. You may be thinking: “Sex should be a spontaneous, natural experience. Planning for it will ruin the magic.” Not at all! Quite the contrary: many of the most enjoyable, rewarding things we experience in life are things we must plan for. And when couples put effort into creating the time and space they need for physical intimacy, they temporarily take themselves away from the stresses of their hectic lives. This planned-for time and space actually allows spontaneity to flourish.
3. Plan for romance.
A word for some of you men out there (you know who you are): Planning for sex doesn’t mean buying a new multivitamin and sprinting into the bedroom for a quickie. The type of sex that fosters a couple’s connection occurs within the context of a loving, intimate relationship. When you nurture romance and make your partner feel special, you set the stage for an evening of passion and great sex. Romance doesn’t have to be costly or time consuming (of course, it can if you want it to be). A sensual body massage with your partner’s favorite lotion can go a long way in setting just the right mood for passionate love making. Pay attention to romance first, and sex will follow.
4. Become playful and provocative.
Couples in long-term relationships need to revisit the art of flirtation. Flirting and teasing are great ways to fan the flames of desire. Have you ever noticed how people in a new relationship excel at teasing? Whether seducing each other at the supermarket or while sitting at a red light, new lovers discover ways to turn each other on in the most ordinary of circumstances. Unbeknownst to them, these couples are actively creating opportunities to flirt and entice each other. Are you ready to enter the game of flirting with your partner?
5. Nurture your sexual attitude.
The art and skill of flirting starts with a particular attitude. The most important part of this attitude involves giving yourself permission to be playful and provocative with your partner. Without permission, you will remain inhibited and lose the freedom necessary to have a fulfilling sex life. Learn to give yourself permission to have fun with your partner.
6. Talk about sex.
Your assumptions about what your partner enjoys sexually might be standing in the way of a great sex life. You’re both evolving–your partner’s tastes in music, food, and clothes have probably changed over the years, so why do you assume that his/her sexual desires are the same as when you first met? Ask your partner what turns him/her on today. Don’t assume you know (even if you believe you know your partner really well). Maybe there is something s/he would like you to try sexually that s/he would find exciting. Information about your partner’s sexual desires and fantasies can go a long way in creating an exciting sex life.
7. Become less predictable.
Some couples fall into a rut because their sexual routines have become too predictable. While familiarity is comforting and helps build trust, it can also become a little boring when it comes to sex. Uncertainty and novelty feed excitement and can give your sex life an electrical charge. Experiment together (there are many good books available to help couples work on improving their sex life) and create a shared sense of adventure in the bedroom (or the living room, or the study…)
Is your relationship worth protecting? Are you ready to make your marriage everything it can be?
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One of the greatest challenges in your long term relationship is attempting to keep things fun and exciting in the bedroom.
However, work or your kids or a myriad of other tasks and chores that need to be done often interfere with the time you need to stoke the flames of passion in your sex life. If you are like me you know how busy life can be so it only makes sense to find new ideas that can be used over and again in your list of love making techniques.
Into this situation comes “100 Sex Games for Couples”. This is nothing outrageously kinky as sex games are a great way to keep your lovemaking fresh and original and may also have a longer reuse value than the variety of sex positions and lovemaking techniques.
Does this e-book by Michael Webb actually deliver on this promise though with enough good sex games to keep things interesting?
The book starts well with an introduction about how intimacy is spiritual, emotional & physical covering more aspects than some guides that gloss over straight to the physical aspect. This sets the tone for the entire book as the games are about ‘making love’ and not just a physical act of sexual intercourse.
The actual games that follow are divided into two sections which confused me for a second because there were only 33 games not a hundred until I saw that each game had multiple variations taking the total to 100. These variations have different rules and variation on the original concept which I thought was interesting because you could use the same game with a twist just when your partner might have been getting used to the original to keep them on their toes! Some of the games are more entertaining than others like any comprehensive list but they all had merit and some were very imaginative and very sexy.
For example there is an exciting guessing game, a passionate night of lovemaking but starting from an unusual location, an pleasurable storytelling game which I quite liked and even a card game with a twist (no, not just strip poker). They range from games involving food to communicating, touching and sharing intimate moments.
All in all, the book is well worth the asking price, considering it could be the very thing that brings you closer together as a couple!
So, is this book worth it? For the small amount it costs and the amazing variety of ideas that will give you many nights of pleasure and togetherness it is a great bit of extra reading that can liven up your sex life for years.
I recommend this guide to anyone looking for something new if things have gone a bit stale or even to those who are having good sex but want it to be great!
Sex consummates a marriage and being in a marriage without sex is not easy. The role of sex in a marriage must be well understood in order to get the real picture on how significant it is. When two people tie the knot of holy matrimony, they vow to share and stay as one entity. Sex is an expression of the intimacy that a married couple share. It is one way of expressing love to each other. You would ask yourself important questions like; What if the couple wants children and their marriage is sexless? But what would make a marriage to lack sex? There must be underlying reasons or problems that must have resulted to this marriage without sex. It is like staying without food. Either you are not hungry, you are sick, you are fasting or there is no food in the house in which case you can eat out.
Unless this hoarding of sex is due to a terminal illness affecting one of the couples, other reasons are subject to debate. When sex lacks in a marriage couples out source it from outside though in a discreet manner. This is where problems start setting in. It must be put in due consideration that sex is one of the most basic needs of a human being. This need must be fulfilled whether in a marriage context or not. A couple can pretend they are comfortable to stay together without sex but there is someone behind the scenes who meets their sexual needs. In a marriage without sex couples stay as roommates because this marriage is not a full package, it is a half package. Your partner in marriage is your friend, your husband or wife and your lover. These are the three pillars that support a marriage. Remove one pillar and the marriage tumbles down.
When stuck in a marriage without sex it means your rights are being denied. Conjugal rights in a marriage must be met and respected. Every married person has a right to sex with the other partner. A denial of this right can even end up in a court of law. If a persons rights are denied somewhere the person gets them elsewhere. A marriage without sex is therefore bound to end up in divorce as a result of conjugal rights. What would a married person be waiting for before having sex? An unmarried person would be excused for waiting till marriage. There is no reason whosoever to have a marriage without sex. A relationship is not all about sex but sex is the catalyst as well as the engine oil that makes everything work.
People staying in a marriage without sex are people living in utopia. They are lame ducks maybe waiting for the day they will meet their maker. Staying in a marriage without sex is impossible and unworkable. Let no one lie to anyone that they are contented with such an arrangement. Even if they are together it is public relations stunt but otherwise they are cheating like no one gives a damn. Their sex lives are very active and vibrant only that these services are outsourced.
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Can herbal sex pills cure a low libido or do you have to resort to prescription drugs? The answer is some do work and they can increase your libido but you must know the best ones to take and you must make some simple lifestyle changes.
The body has an immense capacity to heal itself if, it is given the right fuel and your libido is no different – put the right things into your body and you can enjoy a higher sex drive.
The Basics First!
Here is the basic platform you need to get your body in good working order so herbal sex pills can work and we will cover 6 of the best in a moment but basics first:
If you think you can smoke and drink heavily and take recreational drugs and not affect your sex drive think again. Cut down or even better stop.
You also need to have a good balanced healthy diet and include plenty of lean meat, fish, vegetables and fruit. When consuming food try and eat as “naturally from the earth” as possible and avoid processed foods.
You need to get some exercise! Even if it’s a brisk walk or taking the stairs instead of the elevator – you need to get 30 minutes at least 3 times a week. It doesn’t have to be heavy duty, just enough to up your pulse above normal.
Now you have built the base, its time to get some PROVEN herbal sex pills that can help you.
There are 3 areas you need to cover for maximum sexual wellness.
This means different supplements for different areas – there is no one pill does all.
1. Increase nitric oxide
This chemical is critical in the erection process, as it allows the vessels of the arteries to relax and sufficient blood to flow into the penis.
Nitric oxide production naturally declines with age and many men who suffer low sex drive, simply need to up their levels.
There are two excellent supplements for this:
L’arginine -this non essential amino acid is produced by the body – but it declines with age so get it as a supplement – it is medically proven to produce nitric oxide.
Another excellent source is Cnidium seeds which have been used in Asia for centuries as a sexual tonic.
They are one of the most effective natural remedies to increase sexual potency, boost libido and treat impotence. It works just like prescription drugs, to increase nitric oxide and inhibit PDE-5 – which enables an erection to be maintained for longer period of time.
2. Reduce Stress and lift Mood
Here you can use the time trusted Chinese herbs Ginseng and Ginkgo Biloba.
They act as overall body tonics lifting mood and making us feel more alive and keeping stress at bay – stress can kill your sex drive and kill you, if it gets out of hand.
Dealing with stress, is one of the best ways to get your libido back on track.
3. Testosterone
To get your testosterone levels up use mucuna pruriens.
This is medically proven to stimulate the release of growth hormone in humans. The high levels of l-dopa in the mucuna seed are converted to dopamine which stimulates the pituitary gland to realize more L-dopa and dopamine. They are also effective inhibitors of prolactin. Increased levels of prolactin are considered responsible for up to 80% of erection failure in males.
Another great natural libido enhancer is horny goat weed.
Not only is it believed to stimulate testosterone production, it also lifts mood reduces stress and helps with nitric oxide production.
Putting it Altogether
If you cover the above areas and you are in good health, you will probably see a strong increase in sex drive and libido.
There are other supplements – but the above cocktail will hit all the important areas.
When buying herbal sex pills make sure you know what’s in them and there produced under licensed conditions today, many cheap pills have flooded in from china and India and most don’t always contain what they claim!
Today there are plenty of safe herbal sex pills, that combine a number of great libido boosters in one pill – so, put the basics in place, take them and see your sex drive soar!